I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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