I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
