she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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