I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
