why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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