my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
