I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
