I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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