What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
