im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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