Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
