He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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