I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
