Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
