bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
