And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
