"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
