Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
