Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
