Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
