she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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