so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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