Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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