I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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