the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
