Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I understand Curling. That high.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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