It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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