please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
