Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
