So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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