FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
