I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
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