Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
