I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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