Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
