so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
