I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
