Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
