we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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