Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
