the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
