Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
