I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
