Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
