...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
