He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
