she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
