I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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