Your face is a jimmy john
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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