i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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