i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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