it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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