all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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