Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
