so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
