Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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