We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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